4. Disproportionate Expectations
Expectations are an important aspect that has been overlooked. People, consciously and subconsciously, have expectations of each other that need to be clearly communicated. This comes in two forms; first, personal expectations. For instance, on an occasion, John would expect that since they went out to dinner last night, there is no need for excessive interaction the following day, yet Jill may think otherwise. This is just as much a communication issue as it is a misunderstanding of expectations. The second form which is the more serious kind is intertwined with misaligned ambitions.
Having the same understanding of where you are and where you are intending to go are very critical to a healthy relationship. People often get lost in the romance of sweet friendship which is warranted in its proper place and time. But if the romance is blinding you from clearly ironing out your ambitions and how you intend to see them realized, then you may need to put the intimacy on hold until this is straightened out. Direction both in the relationship and in life should be frequently discussed because it changes with time and develops with the progression of life. I mean how many times did you really think of changing your major or actually did? It is possible that your ambitions for your relationship could have changed for whatever reason and need to be realigned. When people are not willing to put the time in establishing a kinship in direction, they tend to frustrate their relationship because they don’t seem to ‘click’ anymore.
5. Waning Commitment
Finally, but definitely not least, we encounter the issue of commitment. In my estimation, this could be the number one most suffered problem in college type relationships. The word commitment has been exiled from the vocabulary of our society. Where commitment once covered the ground, indolence and selfishness have taken over. According to dictionary.com, commitment refers something that takes time or energy or devotion and dedication to someone or something. Now, you tell me how many times you have seen this exemplified in relationships near and around you? The tendency when things get hard and require effort and persistence is for people to desert the relationship. Instead of working hard at conserving the good that has already been established and is potentially there, we become more comfortable with landing on the next pretty flower, hoping it has some nectar to offer.
The previous cause of failed relationships is often coupled with and fleshed out in the "grass is greener on the other side of the fence’ mentality. This frame of mind, I believe is responsible for a lot of the divorces experienced in this country, and has led to a dissatisfied and discontented culture that is not willing to work things out but in quick fixes and some sort of self correction. With the myriad of options to choose from, especially at a large college, you can see how this plays out in relationships. Guys on one hand are flirting and fondling with any and every girl they find; girls on the other hand are no longer interested in preserving themselves but hope that with use they will happen upon the greenest of all grasses. Once again this reflects on the weight of our first two main points; a solid foundation of love and a proper perspective on the sin nature of people. For if these were in place, people would be content and have no need to practice relational prostitution.
Conclusion
The heart of the matter is this; if we are not willing to love (agape) truly from the heart understanding that we are all sinful people, lacking in perfection; and are not willing to work together toward a decided direction and committed to it, then we have little hope if any of good, solid and even amiable relationships in our colleges today and beyond.
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